Loss of identity
It may feel overly dramatic, talking about identity here. But if cycling is your main hobby, your passion, your way of dealing with the stress of everyday life, and your significant other is the same way, it becomes a large part of who you are. So, when you can’t ride, it’s more than just an inconvenience.
For a cycling couple, the problem compounds because you lose some of the shared quality time and have to deal with a bunch of unpleasant emotions like guilt, frustration, and envy. It’s important to find a healthy way to cope with the times when your partner is out of cycling, whether it’s due to an injury or illness, as those things are unfortunately a part of life.
Should you talk about your rides?
It’s natural to feel envious of your partner when they get to head out for a ride, especially when the weather is perfect while you’re stuck at home. And it’s tough from the other person’s perspective, too. It’s easy to feel guilty when you’re having a great time riding and your partner is struggling at home.
The first step is to acknowledge these feelings. Sometimes, you just want the reassurance that your partner is happy for you to enjoy your ride. Or you want to hear that your partner is missing your company when out riding. For me and my girlfriend, it helps when the one out riding shares photos from the rides. But for other couples, this could make things worse. If you’re open, you’ll find what’s best for you.
Dealing with frustration and isolation
The longer the pause on your partner’s cycling, the higher the chance they will start feeling frustrated and isolated. As always, it’s essential to acknowledge those feelings and let them out.
And if you’re the uninjured or healthy partner, avoid minimising or comparing their pain. Try to stay away from phrases like “you’ll be back in no time” or “at least you didn’t break your legs too”. Even if you have good intentions, it comes across as dismissive of your partner’s reality. Instead, ask them what’s the hardest part about it for them, and let them vent.
Overcoming FOMO and the blues
During very long recoveries, it’s common for the blues to set in. Fear of missing out becomes all too real, and it’s tough to maintain mental health. There’s no trick or simple advice that makes things better here. For me and my girlfriend, it helps to watch cycling races together, be involved with each other’s rehab, and make future plans, even if it means talking about next season.
Overall, it helps to view and discuss illness or injury as a shared challenge. Even if it sounds silly sometimes, staying connected that way is easier, and it turns the recovery process into part of your shared story.
Comeback dynamics
It’s super important to understand that the return to riding is rarely linear. Don’t try to make up for lost time in the first few days and weeks. You’ll probably do more harm than good. Avoid comparison and numbers as much as you can and focus your attention on the joy of cycling itself. Make cycling about celebrating the fact that your partner is able to share this quality time with you again.
You might not be riding at the same pace or distance for a while. But if you’re in it together, you’re still moving forward.
