But hey, dreaming is free! So, let’s dive into seven New Year’s resolutions that every cyclist has made at some point—and will absolutely, 100% of the time, never follow through.
1. I’ll ride every day, no excuses
To be honest, this one seems like the most doable of the bunch. Still, then the weather hits you like a jackhammer. -20° at 5 am is not fun, refreshing, or even mildly pleasurable, no matter what the crazy influencer you follow claims. In these moments, you appreciate the beauty of having a cozy blanket and a work schedule that lets you sleep at least till 8 o’clock.
But hey, you are a warrior. You have your layers sorted, and nothing can stop you. For two days. On the third one, you glance outside, trying to make out the building across the street through the fog, and you quickly convince yourself that rest days are part of the training as well. By day five, it’s raining, and you’re staring at your Netflix queue like it holds all the answers to life. “No excuses,” you mutter as you excuse yourself right back onto the couch.
It’s not that you don’t want to ride. It’s just that riding every day is exhausting, and life, you know, happens. Work deadlines, social obligations, and the occasional drunkenness followed by a raging hangover. This is life, not a race. And even if it were a race, believe me, you don’t want to finish it fast.
2. I’ll cut all unnecessary bike purchases
Every cyclist has promised this at least once. For example, I’ve done it every year since 2010, and I’m yet to follow through. After all, “necessary” is quite a subjective term, and my definition stretches a bit thin.
And you know, it’s easy being disciplined over the winter, especially when your bike gets out every other weekend if the weather permits. However, come spring, you start seeing each other daily. If there’s one thing your bike is good at, it’s extorting money. I mean, when you go out and see someone with those aero gloves or brand-new compression socks, all bets are off. Why, in God’s name, are you working like a slave if you can’t buy some cool new gadgets or gear for your bike?
Furthermore, it’s not all about the dopamine rush you will receive once you get your new bike computer. It’s about marginal gains. Ones you can only gain by better gear… or at least that’s how you will try to rationalize it. None of those things are true. But to be honest, if you can afford it, why not? You are earning your own money and deserve to spend it on something you love. Now, don’t let your significant other read this last sentence ’cause you’ll have some explaining to do.
3. I’ll start climbing like a pro
Ah, the dream. You picture yourself effortlessly gliding up hills, your cadence smooth, your breathing calm, and your power-to-weight ratio off the charts. It seems so easy once you’re buzzed with a couple dozen beers and raising a toast to the new year with your champagne glass.
A few months have gone by since that cheerful night when your mouth was so generously signing checks your legs and lungs could never cash. You are pushing up a climb, trying to look like the King of the Mountains, but instead, you are more like an asthmatic blob, gasping for air at every pedal stroke.
The problem? Climbing like a pro requires two things: shedding weight and suffering. And while you may tackle the latter with some level of grit, the former is always sabotaged by the sheer existence of pastries. Somewhere around the second climb of the year, you decide that descending is more your style. After all, what goes up must come down, and coming down is a lot more fun when you’re fueled by croissants.
4. No more beer and sweets during rides
The eternal question. Do cyclists fuel on beer, or is this just a myth? I’m not brave enough to bust this one up, but I’ve been witness to many who were bold enough to claim they will. Well, the first ride of the year comes along, and everything changes.
It’s cold, your legs are screaming, and the wind is hitting you like a slap in the face. You’ve brought all the essentials: water, a gel that tastes like fruit-flavored regret, and a protein bar harder than your bike’s chainring. The problem is, none of it is actually making you feel better. You’re climbing a hill, and instead of visualizing the summit, all you can think about is a pint of beer and the warm, sweet embrace of a donut.
And then it happens. You roll up to a coffee stop. The pastries are displayed like trophies behind the glass, each one more inviting than the last. “Just one,” you think. “I deserve it after that climb.” By the time you’re done, you’ve inhaled a cinnamon roll, washed it down with a sugary latte, and started contemplating whether the bakery offers loyalty cards.
Let’s not even talk about beer. Yes, during the winter, you will probably have the upper hand in that battle, but wait until the summer heat hits you. Then, we will talk about how you’ll drink just water while everyone else is enjoying an ice-cold pint.
The truth is, beer and sweets are as much a part of cycling as chain lube and awkward tan lines. They’re not just indulgences—they’re rituals. They mark the end of a tough climb, the halfway point of a grueling ride, or the reward for braving a cold, windy day. You can try to resist them, but deep down, you know you’ll always circle back to that Snickers bar or frothy pint.
So, here’s the real resolution: enjoy the ride, enjoy the sweets, and never underestimate the power of a well-timed beer. After all, cycling is about balance—and I’m not just talking about staying upright on two wheels.
5. No more crazy adventures
“I’m done with the crazy adventures,” you proclaim at the edge of the new year. Fast forward to June, and you’re wondering how you got yourself climbing a peak, holding the metal support rope with your bike on your back. It’s one of those shortcuts that save you 2 km while adding 4 hours to your total time.
“What’s the worst that could happen?” did it again. You know you must never ask this question. The answers are always surprisingly shocking. Yet here you are, dangling like a snot, hoping at least the descent will be on two wheels. It won’t be, but the hope is still there.
So go ahead and make your resolution. Tell yourself you’re done with wild escapades and ill-advised detours. But deep down, you know the next unmarked trail will call your name, and you’ll answer. Because crazy adventures aren’t just part of cycling—they’re the best part. Just don’t forget to pack extra snacks this time.
6. The weather won’t stop me from riding
“This year, I’ll ride no matter what the weather throws at me!” Bold words, fueled by indoor heating and the kind of optimism only a fresh calendar can inspire. It’s easy to be brave when you’re sipping hot chocolate in your cozy living room. But let’s face it: this promise has about as much chance of success as a cheap derailleur on a muddy trail.
Because here’s the thing: the weather doesn’t care about your resolution. It’s not here to play fair. The moment you declare your unwavering commitment to year-round cycling, Mother Nature laughs, cracks her knuckles, and starts planning her next assault.
You’re thinking a light drizzle and crisp winter air. She’s thinking sideways sleet, gale-force winds, and temperatures so cold your water bottle freezes solid before you’ve clipped in.
And let’s not forget about the hidden dangers. That harmless-looking puddle? It’s actually a pothole filled with water so cold it could bring down the Titanic. That fresh dusting of snow? A slick layer of ice is ready to introduce you to the pavement in the most humiliating way possible.
The worst part? The gear. Sure, you’ve got a thermal jacket, rainproof gloves, and overshoes that make you look like a moonwalker. But no amount of expensive layers can protect you from the creeping existential dread of realizing you’re still freezing—and it’s only been 15 minutes.
So, instead of provoking Mother Nature, just pick your battles with her. Yes, don’t let some chilly weather and light drizzle stop you from riding. Furthermore, go for that snow adventure you’ve been dreaming of. It’s all fun. But riding during a tornado will only end badly. Moreover, that’s why we have Zwift now—to ride at home and crush our mates on the sprint.
I’ll use the indoor trainer every day
Speaking of indoor cycling, we have the one resolution that you can actually do, but you still won’t. And you know why you won’t go through with it? It’s simple. Indoor cycling is just not fun. Sure, trainers are practical, efficient, and great for structured workouts, but they’re also about as exciting as watching paint dry—except the paint isn’t sweating and wondering when it can stop.
Even with Zwift, Rouvy, and all the rest of the ARs combined, cycling at home is boring. But that’s not all. It’s also tiresome. Riding every single day will inevitably wear you out. You can even go for a 20-session, but there are days you simply need to rest. Can you imagine having a 39° fever and still being like, “No, I made a promise to myself?” Yeah, that’s not happening.
So, just like with everything else, just embrace moderation. Use the trainer a few times a week—not every day—and mix things up to keep it tolerable.
What’s the deal with New Year’s resolutions?
New Year’s resolutions are like overly ambitious Strava segments—they look achievable at the start but quickly turn into a slog. And you know what? That’s okay. Cycling isn’t about being perfect; it’s about enjoying the ride, even when you’re breaking every promise you made to yourself in January.
So go ahead and make those resolutions. Laugh when you inevitably fail. And remember: there’s always next year. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a sunrise ride to skip and a pastry to eat.
Happy Holidays!
