Food.
Now. Fast. Possibly with one hand still in a glove.
Welcome to the Tour de Fridge — the glorious, messy, and often questionably nutritious parade of what cyclists eat after the ride. Because what you eat post-spin says a lot about you: your personality, your ride intensity, and whether or not your kitchen is legally a disaster zone.
We’ve ranked the most common post-ride feeding habits, from heroic meal-prep kings to chaotic banana goblins. There are no winners here — only full stomachs and emotional carbs.
1. The precision refueller
“50g carbs, 30g protein, 3g of smugness.”
You’ve got a shaker bottle locked and loaded before you even dismount. You open MyFitnessPal while unclipping. Your protein shake tastes like chalk and regret, but you chase it with a rice cake and a side of spreadsheets.
✅ Pros: Science says you’re doing it right.
❌ Cons: Fun says you’re doing it too right.
🏆 Bonus points if you say “macronutrients” in casual conversation.
2. The smoothie alchemist
“I’ll just blend every fruit I’ve seen this week.”
You are healthy, vibrant, and somehow always have spinach. Your blender is loud enough to wake the neighbours, and the resulting smoothie looks like radioactive mud but tastes… acceptable. Banana? Yes. Chia seeds? Of course. Peanut butter? Why not. Leftover porridge? Risky, but bold.
✅ Pros: Nutrient-dense, quick, and Instagrammable.
❌ Cons: Requires washing a blender while delirious.
🏆 Bonus points if it’s in a jar with a metal straw.
3. The raider of the cold drawer
“Cheese? Yogurt? Something in Tupperware from 2019? We ride at dawn.”
You finish your ride and go full raccoon mode. You stand in front of the open fridge, dripping sweat, eating cold pasta straight from the pot with a spoon you found somewhere. You are not proud. But you are full.
✅ Pros: Efficient. No prep. Instant gratification.
❌ Cons: Unknown food origin. You may accidentally eat a raw leek.
🏆 Bonus points if you leave the fridge door open the entire time.
4. The café kingpin
“My ride ends at a bakery. Every time.”
You didn’t ride for fitness. You rode for croissants. The final 10k were powered entirely by thoughts of almond pastries and cappuccino foam. You’ve got a favourite café where they know your name, your usual order, and your “look I swear I rode here” face.
✅ Pros: Delicious. Social. Aesthetic.
❌ Cons: Wallet says no. Gut sometimes says really no.
🏆 Bonus points if you order “a recovery flat white.”
5. The leftover warrior
“There’s half a quiche. That’ll do.”
Your post-ride meal is whatever your household didn’t finish last night. A baked potato, a fish finger, three chicken nuggets from your kid’s plate, a rogue dumpling… Somehow this patchwork quilt of food makes a perfect plate. You’re basically a culinary MacGyver.
✅ Pros: Reduces waste. Efficient. Tastes of nostalgia and compromise.
❌ Cons: Danger of mixing custard and chilli con carne.
🏆 Bonus points if you call it “recovery tapas.”
6. The “I forgot to eat” ghost
“What do you mean it’s 5PM?”
You meant to eat. You really did. But you took off your sweaty kit, got distracted scrolling through ride stats, and suddenly three hours passed. You are now lying on the floor, whispering “I regret everything,” while contemplating chewing your own arm.
✅ Pros: Absolutely none.
❌ Cons: Bonking after the ride is a real talent.
🏆 Bonus points if you then eat four dinners to “catch up.”
7. The banana bandit
“Just one banana. Or seven. Who’s counting?”
You finish the ride and attack the fruit bowl like a primate in heat. It’s not fancy. It’s not planned. But it’s potassium-packed and you can eat it one-handed while texting about your average watts.
✅ Pros: Convenient. Healthy. Bike jersey-friendly.
❌ Cons: Does not fill the emotional hole left by a 100km ride.
🏆 Bonus points if you leave peels in the bottle cage like a gremlin.
8. The grease goblin
“I earned this. Shut up, arteries.”
You didn’t ride 50km just to eat salad. You rode so you could annihilate a full English breakfast, a bacon cheeseburger, or something deep-fried and morally questionable. You believe in balance — as in, balancing an entire pizza on your lap in the car park.
✅ Pros: Satisfaction. Joy. Salt.
❌ Cons: You might fall asleep face-first in a puddle of mayo.
🏆 Bonus points if you call it “caloric replenishment.”
9. The serial scavenger
“I’m not really hungry” (proceeds to eat 12 small things over 3 hours).
This person nibbles. A cracker here, a handful of nuts there, a spoon of peanut butter, half a yoghurt, one square of chocolate… until their ride calories are replaced by stealth. Nothing is ever on a plate. Everything is consumed leaning against a countertop.
✅ Pros: Grazing = easy digestion.
❌ Cons: No satisfaction. Kitchen constantly looks ransacked.
🏆 Bonus points if you forget and eat your post-ride snack before the ride.
10. The ritual chef
“I ride so I can cook like a Tour chef with a Netflix deal.”
You plan your post-ride meal during the ride. You sauté. You season. You plate. You garnish. You are calm, controlled, and mildly infuriating to ride with because you’re constantly talking about marinades on climbs. But damn, your omelettes are elite.
✅ Pros: Nourishing. Beautiful. Brag-worthy.
❌ Cons: Requires energy, time, and access to cumin.
🏆 Bonus points if your ride buddies invite themselves over.
Eat what you want, just not your arm
Post-ride eating is a sacred ritual. Whether you’re fuelling like a pro or devouring a jar of Nutella with a tortilla chip, there’s no wrong way — only funny, mildly disturbing, and deeply relatable ones.
So here’s to you, banana bandit. To you, fridge pirate. To you, grease goblin and smoothie alchemist. May your glycogen stores be full, your post-ride snacks always hit, and your Garmin recovery time shorter than your nap.
