Many consider Quicksilver to be the worst cycling movie ever made—though Premium Rush gives it a good run for its money. Still, this mid-80s cringe-fest clocks in at 105 minutes of questionable decision-making, unnecessary dance routines, and an entire crime subplot nobody asked for.
So, you might be wondering: Who in their right mind would watch this ’80s disaster that holds a 13% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a sad 5.7 on IMDb? Well, I did. And I did it so you don’t have to.
Here’s everything you need to know about the movie that tried to mix stock trading, drug dealing, bike messengering, and ballet—and failed spectacularly.
The plot (or the lack thereof)
Calling the Quicksilver storyline a “plot” is a bit generous. The movie feels like several unfinished scripts were thrown into a blender, poured onto a film reel, and released into the wild.
We start with Jack Casey (Kevin Bacon), a hotshot young stock trader who’s basically Wolf of Wall Street-lite. Except, instead of drugs and partying, Jack’s vice is making the worst financial decision in history—he loses everything in a single trade.
His parents’ money? Gone.
His apartment? Bye-bye.
His dignity? Unclear if he ever had any.
So, what does Jack do? Does he rebuild his career? No, that would be logical. Instead, he has a mid-life crisis at the age of 26 and joins a chaotic, underpaid, slightly unhinged bike messenger crew in San Francisco. Because obviously, when your life crumbles, the best solution is to deliver envelopes on a brakeless fixie.
This is where Jack’s redemption arc should have begun—if he had one. But that’s hardly enough for an ’80s movie. His redemption is interrupted every 10 minutes or so by a song montage, mostly featuring people dancing with their bikes. Kevin Bacon kicks off the trend with a great routine, but later on, there’s a full-on bike dance-off.
And just when you think this movie is all about cycling and bike ballet—BOOM! Suddenly, there’s a crime subplot.
The crime subplot
Enter Voodoo, played by a young Laurence Fishburne before he realized he could star in good movies. Voodoo is one of the best messengers in town, but he makes extra cash running drugs for Gypsy, a shady gangster with the most generic ’80s villain energy ever.
Well, things go sideways, and Gypsy and Voodoo fall out. So, during a race battle between Jack and Voodoo, Gypsy runs over Fishburne’s character.
So, what does Jack do?
Does he go to the police? Of course not.
Does he use his superior Wall Street skills to outsmart the drug dealer and ruin him? Don’t be silly.
Does he bait Gypsy into a chase through an industrial wasteland and off an unbuilt bridge? Absolutely.
Because in an ’80s movie, street justice is always handled on two wheels. Gypsy, proving that he has the spatial awareness of a potato, ignores 100 warning signs and drives straight into oblivion.
Jack wins. The girl is impressed. Justice is served… somehow.
The characters
Along with Jack, there’s a mix of colorful characters who scream “’80s movie” at the top of their lungs.
Terri (Jami Gertz)
The obligatory ’80s love interest. She starts the movie as a struggling new messenger and accidentally ends up working for a drug dealer. Because, of course, in ’80s movies, women can’t just exist—they have to be in peril.
Despite Jack doing absolutely nothing particularly romantic or appealing, she inevitably falls for him—because in the ’80s, all it took to win a woman’s heart was a sweaty tank top and a reckless disregard for traffic laws.
Hector (Paul Rodriguez)
Hector is Jack’s best friend and the only person in the entire movie with a solid life plan. While everyone else is making terrible decisions, Hector just wants to open a hot dog stand and live his best life. He works as a bike messenger to save up enough money, avoids getting involved in crime, and generally seems like he’d rather be in a completely different movie.
By the end, Jack somehow convinces him to let him gamble his savings in the stock market instead of taking a crime boss’s shady loan. And, of course, Jack magically wins big. Hector gets his hot dog stand, proving that he is the only truly successful character in Quicksilver.
Gypsy (Rudy Ramos)
Possibly the least competent villain in ’80s film history. Instead of using, say, actual drug dealers, Gypsy decides the most efficient way to move product is through a bunch of sweaty teenagers on bicycles.
His criminal empire is so fragile that when Jack inevitably decides to take him down, Gypsy doesn’t get outwitted or arrested—nope, he drives his car straight off an unbuilt bridge because he ignores about a hundred warning signs. A truly fitting end for a truly incompetent villain.
Voodoo (Laurence Fishburne)
The fastest messenger in town and way too good for this script. Unfortunately, he makes the mistake of working for Gypsy and, as a result, gets run over in one of the most unnecessary deaths in movie history. If this movie had any sense, Voodoo would’ve been the one to take down Gypsy. But nope—Kevin Bacon has to be the hero.
Why is it so bad?
The genre confusion
This movie can’t decide what it wants to be. Is it an urban drama? A coming-of-age story? A sports movie? A crime thriller? Sadly, Quicksilver is a mix of all of the above. It’s like throwing hot peppers, anchovies, whipped cream, beef, biscuits, and a dash of garlic into a soup. Nothing is inherently wrong with the ingredients—it’s the mix that’s the problem.
The bike dancing
Then there are the dance scenes. Why, oh why, should there be dance scenes in a movie about bikes? It’s as if someone said, “Kevin Bacon should do a bike dance,” and instead of firing that lunatic, they gave him a standing ovation.
What follows is the most unnecessary scene in cycling movie history. Jack rides into an empty warehouse, gets off his bike, and starts doing synchronized movements with it like he’s in an interpretive dance audition. To make it even more cringe-worthy, he does it while his girlfriend is actually practicing ballet. Not even Kevin Bacon knows why this happened.
So, Is Quicksilver Worth Watching?
Well, I watched it while doing my indoor training, so I wouldn’t say it was a total waste of time. However, I wouldn’t recommend planning a movie night around it—unless you’re into hilariously bad ’80s movies. In that case, Quicksilver is a must.
Ultimately, Quicksilver is the cinematic equivalent of riding a fixie down a steep hill with no brakes—exciting at first, but when push comes to shove, a disaster waiting to happen.
