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Aches, Pains and Gifts to Fix Them

By Christopher Ashley

Are you hunting for last-minute stocking fillers? Let us soothe the pain of Christmas shopping.

Chamois cream

If you’re uncertain what ailment the mysterious “shammy” cream cures, look no further than the less-than-subtle product names. “Enzo’s Buttonhole” and “dz Nuts Pro” suggest that chamois is for the undercarriage of any cyclist intending to spend a long time in the saddle.

Katie Kookaburra likes the menthol feel of her cream but if you want your nether regions to smell like a lamb roast, there’s Rapha’s Chamois Cream with rosemary extract. For butt-related aches, I recommend Butt Shield. You can’t have too many options when it comes to chamois cream.

Embrocation cream

Nothing says “I love you” quite like buying your significant other a chemical irritant for their boxing day ride. Also known as “Belgian Knee Warmers,” embrocation works by encouraging the blood supply to flood your skin so you can embrace poor weather. Or as Castelli call it, “Foul Weather Cream!” Who said romance is dead?

There’s a big choice of creams out there but my favourite has to be Mad Alchemy’s Russian Tea. Just enough to keep the worst of the chill from your bones. And if, like me, you’re getting on a bit, it doesn’t sap too much of your blood supply away from your core.

Recovery gel

Gifting your loved one massage oil may imply you’re willing to massage their aches and pains away after their New Year’s Day bike ride. A product like Purple Harry’s Ultimate Rider Care Muscle Cooling Gel implies that it’s up to them to slather it on. But what about something more exotic?

As the Locked In video explains, CBD is a cannabis product so check your local laws before buying – especially if you’re importing. Locked In also points out that because CBD is so new, there are limited regulations to ensure you’re getting a bona fide product – so rely on recommendations.


Pro cyclists fuel their rides with energy drinks and gels. The effect on your teeth can be shocking so pop a few Listerine Total Care Mouthwash Mini’s into your spouse’s stocking for that new year’s audax they’ve been planning since June.

Listerine Total Care is alcohol free so leave the Jelly Babies at home and pop a mini-bottle in your jersey. Use it a few times, depending on the length of your ride, just to wash out the sugary residue that coats your teeth. I recommend you don’t fill a bidon with mouthwash – you do NOT want to reach for the wrong bottle as you’re gearing up for a sprint.