Let’s play a little game. We all took a family trip or two in our past. So, we all heard a piece of advice that was totally unnecessary. Those unintended ‘dad jokes’ are the parental spice of every road trip. But since it’s Tour de France time, we thought about what a parent would have to say to a child leaving for the start line of the Grand Boucle. These ‘well-intended’ bits of advice are what we came up with. Your own ideas are, as always, welcome. Leave them in the comments!

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1. Don’t get scared of a creepy devil waving a pitchfork along the road.

2. Don’t litter roadside with garbage, water bottles, spare wheels, or asthma inhalers.

3. Tell the others you’re OK, even if you’re apparently holding handlebars with broken hands and your face is bleeding.

4. Don’t take any food, drinks, or drugs from strangers.

5. Don’t pee while riding, or at least, not while you’re aired live on TV.

6. Help the weaker friends of yours (especially if they’re leaders of your teams).

7. Don’t tell the media that in this country people eat frogs, even though it’s exactly what the locals do.

8. Clean your hands before using fingers for removing flies from your eyes.

9. Forget everything you have ever heard about hidden motors.

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