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Ten of the “Worst Cycling Ads”: Don’t Buy Any of These!

By Angie Ng

It’s almost impossible to escape from ads nowadays – they pop up at us when we’re watching TV, doing some reading online and even just walking by a bus stop.  Haven’t we all seen some strange ones, ones that raise our eyebrows? Here are ten of our picks for ads for bizarre cycling-related products.

Banana Holder

I’m sure this is one of the top priority for cyclists, having a banana that is not squashed ready at hand at all times. The banana holder is made of genuine leather, so you might want to remove it when parking your bike, to protect it from potential thieves. This can easily be done though – not only can the holder be hung on a bike frame, seat or handlebar, it can also be hung on your waist belt!

I’m sure this is one of the top priority for cyclists, having a banana that is not squashed ready at hand at all times. The banana holder is made of genuine leather, so you might want to remove it when parking your bike, to protect it from potential thieves. This can easily be done though – not only can the holder be hung on a bike frame, seat or handlebar, it can also be hung on your waist belt!

Cycling Shoe Covers

Hands up if you remember wearing a Halloween costume made of a garbage bag with holes cut out for your head and arms.  Now how about a teeny tiny version of that, with one hole in each plastic wrapper for you to put your shoes inside of?

Hands up if you remember wearing a Halloween costume made of a garbage bag with holes cut out for your head and arms.  Now how about a teeny tiny version of that, with one hole in each plastic wrapper for you to put your shoes inside of?

Cat Ears

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These hand-crafted “cat ears”, which look like sideburns attached to strap of your helmet, reduce wind noise, allowing you to hear other noises instead.  For example, traffic, your own bicycle and fellow cyclist you are having conversations with.

Trotify

With those cat ears, you can now also better listen to the horse-trotting sounds this wooden device makes. Attach it to your bike’s front wheel, and you can fool everyone on the road into thinking there’s a trotting horse behind them.

Fake Ritchey WCS Carbon Fiber Mountain Bike Riser Bar

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Here’s an ad for a fake product, not just a silly product. The discussion isn’t new but serves as a warning to us all.

Sigma Wireless Bike Computer – AU $1,150.00

Whoa, I don’t know if this product is fake, but there’s definitely something wrong with that price.

Whoa, I don’t know if this product is fake, but there’s definitely something wrong with that price.

Vibrating Bicycle Seat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJElpi6PguI

This is what every woman needs, a bicycle seat cover with a hidden vibrator to motivate her to get off her butt and onto a bicycle for some exercise. This sounds more rooted in someone’s sexual fantasy than in how things work in real life. Safety hazard?

MTB Lady

Apparently, “female cyclists do not generally need to push their limits, race against time and increase their adrenaline while riding rough downhill trails. They just want to enjoy the time spent in nature on the bike, and their expectations from the bike are completely different than men's”. Wow! What modern attitudes, as if men never want to spend time in nature on their bikes and women never want to race.

Apparently, “female cyclists do not generally need to push their limits, race against time and increase their adrenaline while riding rough downhill trails. They just want to enjoy the time spent in nature on the bike, and their expectations from the bike are completely different than men’s”. Wow! What modern attitudes, as if men never want to spend time in nature on their bikes and women never want to race.

Planter for Your Bike

Speaking of nature, how about bringing some of it with you as you cycle on busy, city streets? Some people may want to bring their pets out for some fresh air, but with this nifty planter, you can bring your plants out. For those who want to bring cut flowers, vases are also available.

Speaking of nature, how about bringing some of it with you as you cycle on busy, city streets? Some people may want to bring their pets out for some fresh air, but with this nifty planter, you can bring your plants out. For those who want to bring cut flowers, vases are also available.

Fliz Bike

This is another funny product, a bike with no saddle and no pedals. Users are expected to wear a harness around their chest and dangle face down, periodically using their legs to push the bike forwards.  This is another product which seems grounded in someone’s fantasy (flying superhero?) than in reality.

Used BMX – “girl got pregnant” description

Okay, so the product is someone’s old BMX, which is nothing special in and of itself. Check out the hilarious description though.

Okay, so the product is someone’s old BMX, which is nothing special in and of itself. Check out the hilarious description though: “Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx.”

“Once I did a boom gnarly stunt trick on it and a girl got pregnant just by watching my extremeness to the maxxxx.”