Whether you’re in Amsterdam, London, Paris or any other prime tourist spot, renting a bike is a no-brainer… Except for these few places where bike rides are not necessarily wise. You know the ones – those where riding seems more like a chore rather than a good time. Whether it’s steep hills, excessive amount of tourists, lack of infrastructure, disregard of the traffic laws or simply a lot of crime, these cities are a definite no-no for tourist cycling.
There are quite a few of those but here are the top 5 where you should skip renting a bike at all costs.
Lisbon
Yeah, yeah. I can already hear you arguing that Lisbon is perfectly fine for cycling. If you’re a local – sure. You go from point A to point B through established paths. But you can’t just go anywhere. The main route is next to the river, and yep, that’s a pretty sweet place to stretch your legs. So is Monsanto Forest Park, which is practically at the city’s edge. But in general, you can’t just rent a bike and tour every popular spot, museum, and landmark with your bike, and there are a few reasons for that.
Firstly, the city seems to be built on a series of vertical cliffs, which, despite all evidence, continue to adamantly claim they are streets. For real, climbing the streets of Lisbon is as if taken from Sisyphus’s Myth, minus the giant boulder. But hey, if you want to add some dead weight, just grab a bike. It will do the trick.
Then there is the pavement. In many places in the historic centre, the pavement has become as smooth as an ice-skating rink right after the Zamboni went through. Now, these places are hard to climb even on foot. With a bike, it’s practically impossible. And, you know, the climbing is not the worst part. Going down and not being able to stop, slipping on the renowned calçadas, is even worse.
On the plus side, the city would be great for urban DH if it weren’t full of tourists all the time. The Portuguese capital gathers over 4.5 million tourists annually, and while it does have some iconic landmarks, one thing you will definitely remember Lisbon for is the queues to get to those iconic landmarks. I mean, 1,000 people waiting 4 hours to get a ride in Tram 28 is a bit over the top, if you ask me.
So unless you’re a Tour de France champion with a secret desire for urban mountain biking, skip the cycling here. Take the tram instead – it’s much safer, plus you can hold on for dear life while enjoying your pastel-coloured surroundings.
Istanbul
Cycling in Istanbul is definitely something. It’s actually many things, but sane and pleasurable are not among the ones that come to mind.
Let’s start with the obvious reasons. Istanbul is ginormous. It’s twice as large as Luxemburg and houses over 17 million people. And if that’s not imposing enough, it’s sprawling across two continents. If you were to describe Istanbul in 2 words, “Chaotic Market” will be there at the top of your head, right next to some pretty expletive words showing your awe in a manner I can’t really share on this website.
The streets here are like a video game level designed by someone who hates cyclists. There’s no clear distinction between sidewalks, bike lanes, and roads; everything is just one big, free-for-all mêlée.
Of course, the absolutely horrific hills will be the first to stop you from renting a bike but even if you decide to go along the Bosphorus coast or some other places where cycling is actually pleasurable, the lack of connected paths and the mind-altering amount of people in this city will quickly put you off any ideas of a two-wheeled adventure.
Plus, let’s not forget that there are cat armies everywhere. I mean everywhere. Yeah, they are social, cute, and great for a quick purring session but when you’re trying to keep some speed, having a cat storming your wheels is definitely not a fond memory you will tell your grandkids.
So, if you value your sanity, do yourself a favour and spend your money on baklava, not on a rented bike. You can ride when you get back home.
Dubrovnik
Dracarys! Yes, you might also enjoy seeing Dubrovnik burn if you try cycling there. Indeed, the otherwise magnificent medieval gem of the Adriatic was actually King’s Landing in the Game of Thrones series.
Dubrovnik is charming, spectacular, and gorgeous but cycling-friendly it is not. In fact, the historic centre is absolutely forbidden for cyclists, and for a good reason. It’s practically one giant staircase with scenic views. It’s great for likes on Instagram and glute workouts but not so great if you’re trying to stay upright on two wheels. Add to that the throngs of tourists shuffling around, and you’re basically stuck playing a very high-stakes game of “don’t crash into that guy with the selfie stick.”
But even outside the city, riding a bike is practically impossible. The streets are bustling and narrow, especially during the summer when a gazillion and three people join the giant queue, which is essentially what walking through the city is.
So, keep your feet on the ground and enjoy Dubrovnik like you were intended to – take a scenic walk along the city walls or hop on a boat to one of the nearby islands. Leave the cycling for flatter places – like the surface of the moon.
Naples
When an active volcano is the safest place to ride a bike near a city, you need to consider your priorities. I mean, riding a bike in Naples is not beyond the realm of possibilities. And yes, Vesuvius and the bike path along the coast are fabulous for cycling. Naples is even one of the iconic stops of the Giro d’Italia. But this city was not meant for tourist cyclists, and everyone knows it.
By all rights, Naples is a different country. People there have their own unique cultures, ways, and even languages. It also seems they have their own traffic laws ’cause, for the love of God, I haven’t figured out how to cross a street there yet. It’s chaos. No, actually, chaos is way too organised for what Naples offers. Scooters, cars, buses, and pedestrians seem to coexist in Quantum Chromodynamics. They all do their own thing their own way, yet they coexist and create a society that functions pretty well.
But let’s make it clear. If you are considering getting a bike, first make sure you can cross the street on foot. Then we can talk about the narrow cobblestone streets and the impossible hills which Giro d’Italia commentators often charmingly call “The Walls of Napoli.” And once we go through all of that, let’s talk about the crime.
Naples is one of those places where your bike is yours only when you’re sitting on it. You can put it down for a second to take a picture with your phone… and it’s gone. You can try to buy a slice of pizza… and it’s gone. You can ask for directions… and it’s gone. OK, maybe not that last one but crime in Naples is a genuine problem and if you want to ride a bike, make sure you climb off it when you’re either back home or at the rental place. Anywhere else is a risk you don’t need to take.
However, if you’re so hooked up on riding that you can’t imagine going to Naples and not trying it out on two wheels, well, your best bet is to go to Vesuvius. Still, better explore this Italian gem on foot. It will be much safer and much more interesting, and most of all, you will eat far more pizza, which is nothing short of a must in Naples.
Malta
Finally, we have Malta. I know, I know, it’s not a city. It’s a country but try saying this to Istanbul. No, seriously, Malta is, by all means, one giant city. If you’re not maniacally looking for the signs, you can never tell where Valletta ends and Tal-Pieta starts. So, yes, Valletta is definitely not meant for anything more than pedestrians, but so is the rest of Malta. The streets were obviously created for donkeys and wagons, so to say they are narrow is an understatement.
Not to mention that they are driving on the left side of the road, so if you’re not a Brit, you will have to get used to this. It took me about 2 days to start looking in the right direction when crossing the street.
So, to say that cycling here is tough is like saying the sun is bright. It’s more like navigating an obstacle course on a pirate ship. Along with being narrow and winding, the roads are frequently intersected by treacherous hills that seem specifically designed to make cyclists question their life choices. These guys don’t joke with the inclines.
And pray to whoever your God is that there is no heavy rain. During heavy rains, the streets become rivers, and if you think that pedalling up a 20% incline is hard, try it with a gushing river raging against you.
So, instead of trying to figure out how and why, in Zeus’s name, you decided to rent a bike, just do yourself a favour and take public transport or a taxi. You will have a much better time exploring the island, and you won’t have to battle against hills that prevented the Ottoman Empire from taking over the island. I mean, these guys were knocking on Vienna’s door when they said, “Yeah, we’re not goats,” and left this small island in the middle of the Mediterranean.
Where’s Venice?
I couldn’t wrap up this list without addressing the question everyone’s been asking: where’s Venice? The simple answer is that cycling in Venice is impossible – literally. I mean, you can’t even try it, as the entire city is forbidden to cyclists. But even if it weren’t, riding on the streets is impossible due to the heavy tourist flow and the bridges that are positioned every 20 or so meters. Venice is made up of canals, bridges, and narrow alleys that are more suited for gondolas than bikes. In fact, trying to ride a bike in Venice would be like trying to enter a swimming competition while riding a unicycle. Unless you’ve mastered the art of biking on water, it’s best to leave the cycling dreams behind.
Lido, of course, is the obvious exception, but that’s not worth renting a bike over. So, if you’re dying to explore Venice, do it the Venetian way – hop on a gondola, take a vaporetto, or just walk around and get lost in the labyrinthine streets. At least you won’t have to worry about potholes and overly excited motorcyclists. Just the occasional flooding.
Cycling is cool, but know where and when
Cycling through Europe is often romanticised but sometimes it’s better to leave the bike behind and stick to safer, less bone-jarring forms of transport. These cities are definitely tourist hotspots but, mind you, not for cyclists. So, if you’re so addicted to riding a bike, just go somewhere safer or better equipped for the task – perhaps the Alps.
