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What Would the Perfect Cycling Christmas Look Like?

By Adam Marsal

Everybody has their Christmas wishes. While some crave for a new pair of jeans, others pray for peace in the world. What would Christmas look like if cyclists had their way?

1. Spandex would be officially declared the manliest outerwear of upcoming year.

2. Your relatives would finally see the obvious distinctions between individual Campagnolo groupsets.

3. No more chubby Santa in the red truck bringing tons of sweet soda to the town. The truck should turn into the World Cup service van crammed full of hi-end spare parts, no objection against Santa scattering them around town.

4. Never mind the taste of all the gingerbread, candies, pastries, sweets and confectionery, but how about liquefying them and putting them into small plastic packs that can be easily sucked out with hands on the bars?

5. Instead of sitting in front of the TV and watching Hugh Grant starring in Love Actually, the movie could be swapped for the virtual worlds of Zwift.

6. Bike lanes would appear on all roads across the country and potholes would vanish.

7. All cycling haters would find a brand new bike under the Christmas tree.

8. Your partner would ask if your bike shouldn’t be ceremonially received in your shared bedroom.

9. The bike thieves from all around the world would wake up with all fingers broken.

10. Women’s Tour de France would be scheduled for 2020.

11. A new theory about cycling boosting male fertility would make a breakthrough in science.

12. No more snow on Christmas, please. Christmas weather would be imported from Ibiza, Mallorca or Tenerife.