Oh no – here we go folks. Now that we’re all aware technological fraud has made its way into the world of cycling, it was only a matter of time before someone decided to have some fun with it. Allow us to introduce dopedbikes.com, offering “the world’s first fully hidden bicycle motor system.”
After having been rumored for years, motorized doping was given some foundation following the discovery of a motor in a spare bike Femke Van den Driessche used at the U23 cyclo-cross World Championships in January. Of course this sparked quite a frenzy, and the past six months has been a whirl of riders, managers, and race organizers calling for a full investigation of the extent of its presence. But as the rest of the cycling community clamors to put an end to mechanical doping, the guys over at Doped Bikes are taking a different approach.
Claiming that their product is ideal for everything from giving you the boost you need to win a road race, time trial, or cyclo-cross, to helping you secure your leaderboard status on Strava, the benefits listed on their sleek website include “Lightweight,” “Race Proven,” and our personal favorite, “Make Sure You Win.” Doesn’t sound too bad, right?
But wait a minute, with UCI cracking down, nobody wants to get caught with their hands dirty. Well don’t worry, they’ve got you covered there too. If we may quote from the FAQ section, under the WHAT DO I DO IF THE MOTOR IS DISCOVERED? headline, you get the following response:
You won’t be discovered. We know you will have no problems. However, if you are discovered do not disclose the remote control. This way you can deny knowledge and explain it is a borrowed bike.
Ah – the good old, “wasn’t me” response to getting caught. This tactic doesn’t have a very good track record, but I guess they’re not trying to appeal to the most morally attuned cliental anyway. Regardless, with three models to choose from, the Superdiscreto is the only one boasting no visible wires. So if you wanted our professional opinion…
All joking aside, it’s important to consider the impact that mechanical doping will have on the sport. We might chuckle at Doped Bikes for now, but the fact remains that there really are people working on developing increasingly sophisticated technology in this sector, and riders who are using it.
That being said, we must admit we are more than a little curious about some of the messages being sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. What are your thoughts? Will anyone be issuing an enquiry?