Because cultural stereotypes are still kind of a reality-based fun.

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Australia

Fighting with the joeys (kangaroos) accidentally crossing the road on a sunny arvo (afternoon) while on the way to the bottle-o (liquor store).

Russia

Last three hours fruitlessly trying to get home from the господа (pub) on the bike firmly locked to the street light pole.

Belgium

Cyclo-crossing over sand dunes with Eddy Merckx tattoo on the right calf.

Switzerland

Dutifully keeping road speed limits on a conservatively designed pedelec that might be eventually used for national defence or, at least, militia training.

France

On the course of last year’s Tour with a hand-rolled Gitanes cigarette while coming back home from the boulangerie.

United States

Enthusiastically greeting any human being along the road while doing a wheelie.

Belarus

In the middle of a huge crowd of other cyclists shielding your fragile body against wicked truck drivers.

Finland

Too stiff to hope that somebody will help you dismount the bike before the spring comes.

UK

Blaming cab drivers, lorry drivers, and the government for whatever happens to you during the loathsome morning ride to your despised job, mostly swearing in Polish.

Belarus

Dodging crazy truck drivers who’re recording their two-week non-stop ride with their on-board camera.

Germany

Strictly in the bicycle lane, exactly next to the lane for the pedestrians, not even touching the main road intended for the cars equipped with a smartphone holder, navigation app, bell ring, mudguards, air pump, 2 kg steel bike lock, tools, and a pack of muesli bars. Sometimes completely naked.

Singapore

Between five and six in the morning, before either the enormous heat or savage traffic could kill you.

Iran

Dressed exactly as if sitting in a tea house, just missing the hookah.

Vietnam

Transporting three kids, a cupboard, a fishing rod, and a caged piglet at the speed of a small motorbike while spitting out the mushy rests of betel nuts.

Amsterdam

On whatever goddamned bike you just took from the rack in front of the coffee shop.

Copenhagen

Exactly as the others do and also, for the same reason.

Italy

On a handmade vintage Italian steel-tube bike equipped solely with Italian vintage parts dressed in an Italian-made cycling kit made with Italian Merino wool singing one of your favourite Südtyrol songs.

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