{"id":199621,"date":"2025-08-13T12:43:36","date_gmt":"2025-08-13T12:43:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/?p=199621"},"modified":"2025-08-14T13:19:48","modified_gmt":"2025-08-14T13:19:48","slug":"im-tapering-augusts-best-excuses-for-not-riding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/2025\/08\/13\/im-tapering-augusts-best-excuses-for-not-riding\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cI\u2019m Tapering\u201d: August\u2019s Best Excuses for Not Riding"},"content":{"rendered":"

It begins with a text in the group chat. \u201cHeading out at 7am tomorrow. Long one, steady pace, maybe a coffee stop.\u201d You read it while horizontal, half-submerged in a puddle of your own August-induced lethargy, and instinctively type the sacred two-word spell.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m tapering.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nobody questions it. You\u2019re not tapering for anything, unless you count tapering off your motivation. But still, it\u2019s accepted. Because we\u2019ve all been there. We\u2019ve all lied, invented, or genuinely believed some variation of: \u201cI can\u2019t ride today, because\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

This is a tribute to those excuses. Not the noble ones, like “family emergency” or “lightning strike to the derailleur,” but the creative<\/em>, shameless<\/em>, and beautifully irrational<\/em> ones. The ones that let us pretend we’re still committed to the cycling life, even while binge-watching Netflix with a banana in one hand and our helmet still on (just in case).<\/p>\n

Excuse 1: \u201cI\u2019m tapering\u201d (classic, elegant, utterly meaningless)<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You\u2019ve been \u201ctapering\u201d for three weeks now. There is no race. There never was a race. You just like the way it sounds, strategic, like you\u2019re peaking, even if the only thing peaking is your weekly pastry count.<\/p>\n

This excuse works because it carries an air of legitimacy. Only serious athletes taper. Therefore, by saying it, you<\/em> must be one. Who needs facts when you have vibes?<\/p>\n

Excuse 2: \u201cMy cleats are haunted\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This one\u2019s for the drama queens (me). Is your left foot clicking? Is your right knee sending you Morse code? It\u2019s not mechanical. It\u2019s paranormal. Clearly, your bike shoes are inhabited by the spirit of a 19th-century coach horse with unfinished business.<\/p>\n

Bonus points if you burn sage over your saddle before your next ride.<\/p>\n

Excuse 3: \u201cThe cat\u2019s on my trainer\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

It starts with a simple observation: \u201cOh look, Muffin\u2019s napping on my Wahoo.\u201d Fast-forward four hours, and you\u2019ve justified skipping your interval session because you didn\u2019t want to \u201cdisturb her aura.\u201d This is not laziness. This is respect for all living beings<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Also works with dogs, toddlers, houseplants, and once, tragically, a Roomba.<\/p>\n

Excuse 4: \u201cI\u2019m letting my bike rest\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

We spend so much time training ourselves\u2026 but what about our bikes? What about their<\/em> recovery needs? The emotional load they carry after every failed sprint? The trauma of potholes?<\/p>\n

Sometimes, the most responsible thing you can do is put your bike in a dark room, whisper \u201cyou\u2019re safe now,\u201d and leave it alone for a week.<\/p>\n

Excuse 5: \u201cI think I felt a niggle\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

What kind of niggle? Where? Doesn\u2019t matter. It could be a muscle, a tendon, a soul fragment. The beauty of a \u201cniggle\u201d is that it sounds like you’re being sensible<\/em>. You’re not being lazy. You\u2019re preventing injury. You\u2019re a hero, actually.<\/p>\n

Excuse 6: \u201cIt\u2019s too hot\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Accurate. Valid. And yet somehow\u2026 cowardly? You\u2019ll still use it. Even if you rode through monsoon rains in March. Even if your tan line is already approaching zebra status. You\u2019ll open the weather app, see 31\u00b0C, and say, \u201cNope. I value my electrolytes<\/a> more than friendship.\u201d<\/p>\n

Excuse 7: \u201cThe moon is in retrograde\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Look, you don\u2019t believe<\/em> in astrology. But maybe, just maybe<\/em>, it\u2019s not the right time to risk a puncture under this kind of cosmic tension.<\/p>\n

Pairs beautifully with crystals in your jersey pocket and mysterious references to \u201cMercury energy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Excuse 8: \u201cI\u2019ve lost my motivation, but I\u2019m framing it as a strategic rest period\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This one\u2019s honest \u2014 but rebranded. You haven\u2019t touched your bike in two weeks, but you refuse to admit you\u2019re in a slump. Instead, you\u2019re doing \u201cmental training,\u201d which looks suspiciously like scrolling cycling memes and watching races with a beer.<\/p>\n

Excuse 9: \u201cI’m fasting… from cardio\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This excuse works best when delivered deadpan. \u201cNo, no, it\u2019s a cleanse. I\u2019m detoxing from exertion. The body needs stillness.\u201d<\/p>\n

Side effects include mild mockery from friends and, eventually, a surprisingly fast flat spin when guilt finally catches up.<\/p>\n

Excuse 10: \u201cMy Garmin said \u2018Rest\u2019 and who am I to argue?\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The ultimate 21st-century cop-out. You trust your Garmin<\/a> more than your partner. When it tells you \u201cRecovery: 52 hours,\u201d you listen. Even if it only gave that number because you sneezed near it after a 12-minute coffee spin.<\/p>\n

The Excuse Generator<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Can\u2019t think of your own? Just combine one from each column:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Prefix<\/strong><\/td>\nSubject<\/strong><\/td>\nExcuse<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I\u2019m pretty sure<\/td>\nmy legs<\/td>\naren\u2019t emotionally ready for this.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
My coach told me<\/td>\nmy recovery plan<\/td>\ndoesn\u2019t allow heroism today.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Honestly, I think<\/td>\nmy FTP<\/td>\npeaked in 2021 and we\u2019re grieving it.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
I read somewhere<\/td>\nzone 2 rides<\/td>\ncan cause mild identity crises.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
It\u2019s probably best if<\/td>\nmy bike<\/td>\nand I take some time apart.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/p>\n

We all love riding. But sometimes we also love not riding<\/em> \u2014 and that\u2019s OK. Especially in August, when the tarmac is lava, the flies are sentient, and your willpower is hiding in the freezer. So go ahead. Cancel that ride. Use one of these. Use them all. And when you finally do clip in again, you\u2019ll be stronger. Or at least very well-rested and kinda funny.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It begins with a text in the group chat. \u201cHeading out at 7am tomorrow. Long one, steady pace, maybe a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":99,"featured_media":199623,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[334],"tags":[8643,2668,7376],"global-categories":[3366],"class_list":["post-199621","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-socialising-and-culture","tag-cycling-excuses","tag-cycling-fun","tag-cycling-in-summer","global-categories-cycling"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cI\u2019m Tapering\u201d: August\u2019s Best Excuses for Not Riding - \u0160koda We Love Cycling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It begins with a text in the group chat. \u201cHeading out at 7am tomorrow. 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