{"id":199168,"date":"2025-07-23T06:00:26","date_gmt":"2025-07-23T06:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/?p=199168"},"modified":"2025-07-22T15:57:07","modified_gmt":"2025-07-22T15:57:07","slug":"how-to-fake-watch-the-entire-tour-without-actually-waking-up-for-the-flat-stages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/2025\/07\/23\/how-to-fake-watch-the-entire-tour-without-actually-waking-up-for-the-flat-stages\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Fake Watch the Entire Tour Without Actually Waking Up for the Flat Stages"},"content":{"rendered":"

So you want the glory of being a true cycling fan \u2013 quoting watts per kilo, arguing about tyre pressures, and nodding sagely about aero socks \u2013 without actually sacrificing your precious sleep for those six-hour flat stages that inevitably end in a bunch sprint you\u2019ll see on Instagram anyway. Here\u2019s your cheat sheet.<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

1. Learn the lingo<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Throw around words like \u201clead-out train\u201d, \u201cDSQ for sticky bottle\u201d, and \u201ccrosswind echelon\u201d at breakfast. No one will know you were drooling into your pillow while the peloton rolled through endless sunflower fields.<\/p>\n

2. Watch the final 10km highlights<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Just skip straight to the last 10km YouTube clip while brushing your teeth. Memorise who attacked, who chased, and which sprinter\u2019s lead-out failed miserably. Then say, \u201cDid you see how chaotic that sprint was today?\u201d You\u2019ll sound like Carlton Kirby<\/a> himself.<\/p>\n

3. Say \u201cThe real racing starts in the mountains\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Whenever someone mentions today\u2019s stage, sigh dramatically and say, \u201cYeah but the real racing starts once they hit the Alps.\u201d Instant credibility. No one wants to admit they woke up early for 200km of flat roads either.<\/p>\n

4. Use vague praise<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Generic comments like, \u201cThat was textbook sprint tactics from the team today,\u201d or, \u201cImpressive how they controlled the breakaway,\u201d work for literally any flat stage. Sprinkle liberally.<\/p>\n

5. Know who crashed<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Even if it was minor, knowing who hit the deck makes you sound in-the-know. Just check the crash report before you open your mouth. \u201cGutted for that sprinter, hope he heals up quick,\u201d \u2013 no one will question your dedication.<\/p>\n

6. Never skip the rest day content<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Rest day interviews are your goldmine. They\u2019ll recap everything for you. Just parrot rider quotes and mention who looked tired at the press conference. Easy.<\/p>\n

7. Final tip: It\u2019s not cheating, it\u2019s efficiency<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Think of yourself as a time trial specialist: maximum results, minimum effort. After all, why spend six hours watching crosswind false alarms when you can be well-rested for the real show on the summit finishes?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So you want the glory of being a true cycling fan \u2013 quoting watts per kilo, arguing about tyre pressures, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":99,"featured_media":199169,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[329,334],"tags":[2668,433,8619],"global-categories":[3366],"class_list":["post-199168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-road-cycling","category-socialising-and-culture","tag-cycling-fun","tag-tour-de-france","tag-watching-the-tour","global-categories-cycling"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Fake Watch the Entire Tour Without Actually Waking Up for the Flat Stages - \u0160koda We Love Cycling<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"So you want the glory of being a true cycling fan \u2013 quoting watts per kilo, arguing about tyre pressures, and nodding sagely about aero socks \u2013 without\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/2025\/07\/23\/how-to-fake-watch-the-entire-tour-without-actually-waking-up-for-the-flat-stages\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Fake Watch the Entire Tour Without Actually Waking Up for the Flat Stages\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"So you want the glory of being a true cycling fan \u2013 quoting watts per kilo, arguing about tyre pressures, and nodding sagely about aero socks \u2013 without\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/2025\/07\/23\/how-to-fake-watch-the-entire-tour-without-actually-waking-up-for-the-flat-stages\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"\u0160koda We Love Cycling\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-07-23T06:00:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/d2p6e6u75xmxt8.cloudfront.net\/2\/2025\/07\/Tour-de-France-va-Aert-profimedia-1023900571-CVR-.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"990\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"660\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"tereza\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Monica Buck\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/2025\/07\/23\/how-to-fake-watch-the-entire-tour-without-actually-waking-up-for-the-flat-stages\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.welovecycling.com\/wide\/2025\/07\/23\/how-to-fake-watch-the-entire-tour-without-actually-waking-up-for-the-flat-stages\/\",\"name\":\"How to Fake Watch the Entire Tour Without Actually Waking Up for the Flat Stages - 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